I have some bad news, there is no magic change fairy, sorry. I know, it would be lovely if there was, but there is only one person who can ever change your life, and there is only person that can make you happy.
We can spend each day complaining about this and that but in the end unless we decide to change, unless we decide that we can change and that we want to change, then guess what? Nothing is going to happen.
Sometimes we are forced into a change, a partner leaves, a job is lost, an unexpected illness, and at other times it takes a conscious decision that you want to be happy, to be in a better place of contentment. What gives us the extra kick we need to get ourselves into gear and make the changes because it is certainly not a magic fairy that comes to carry out our bidding.
It has to come from a decision that we make ourselves, it comes from the pain of staying the same being greater than the pain of taking the action required to change your life.
When I worked in a large office I heard people every day moaning about the job, they hated this and they hated that, they didn’t want to be there but everyday they would drag themselves into work and settle down for the daily moan. How were they ever going to enjoy working there when they kept telling themselves with repetitive monotony that their life could not be worse.
It certainly was not going to improve until they could reframe their thoughts surrounding the job and see the best in everything and not the worst.
What if they could see that it was not the worst job in the world? If you asked them why, if it was so bad why they do not leave, the answer was usually they wouldn’t get the same conditions and pay. So, there are good points, and it really isn’t the worst job in the world?
The other reason they would give was management, they had a bad manager, she did not motivate, she talked to staff the wrong way, she was rude and unhelpful. The question then has to be:
“have you spoken to her and explained how you feel?”
Sometimes it can be too easy to allow negative thoughts to dominate our mind to the exclusion of all others, pushing aside any positive thoughts as rogue thoughts that threaten to spoil our negative mood.
Day after day repeating the same message to anyone who will listen and especially to anyone who shares the same view. Seeking out like-minded souls who will agree with, and reinforce your every moan and complaint.
Is all this making you happy, do you go home feeling better for having complained about your lot in life day after day.
And these colleagues, where are they now, they never left, and they never changed, they just kept on complaining day after day to anyone who would listen. Unhappiness now deeply embedded in their work life which is a big chunk of our life to be feeling unhappy.
Too many people spend their lives feeling unhappy and complaining about everything not realising that the more they complain the unhappier they feel and therefore complain more, and on and on we can go in the dance of ever-decreasing circles, around and around falling deeper and deeper into the dark pit of despair.
So how do we change this dance of doom and gloom into the dance of happiness and contentment after all is that not where we all want to be?
We can start by changing our thoughts, by allowing all that negativity to float past and not grabbing hold of it in a tight grip of despair. We can change negative thoughts into life-affirming thoughts and like any new skill, we can practice until we find ourselves automatically rejecting any negativity and allowing only positive thoughts to flow through our body and to flow through our mind.
ARE YOU READY TO CHANGE?
1. Recognise that you are creating your own negativity
First things first, we need to actually know that we are creating all this negativity. Often we repeat the same negative thoughts to ourselves over and over again and we do not even notice we are doing it; it just becomes second nature. Another habit that has become embedded in our neural pathways.
We might even start on waking in the morning.
“oh no not another day, I can’t get our of bed, I hate my job”
Why not try:
“Wonderful, another day at work, I have so much I want to achieve today, and I can catch up with what my colleagues have been up to at the weekend”
“2pm another meeting with my bitch of a boss, one more chance for her to make nasty comments”
To
“2pm another chance for me to clear the air with my boss, and this time I will not let her talk to me that way, I will tell her/him exactly how I feel”
The moans do not have to be about work, we can easily slip into the habit of having a good moan about anything, your family not helping enough in the house, not helping with the shopping, the cooking. It may even be about money worries, the weather, anything and everything.
It does not matter what you are moaning and complaining about what matters is that it will not make one bit of difference. It will not improve your life in any way. It will not help improve the situation it will only make it worse and drag all the love for living out of your mind and body and soul.
Our natural default position is health and happiness but if we keep telling ourselves that this is wrong and that is wrong, this is upsetting me, annoying me, how do you think your mind and body will react as they try to keep you healthy and happy.
It might say something like:
“could you just be quiet for one minute and stop moaning about everything, look at all the wonderful things there is in life, in nature, in your family. See the best in everything and not the worst, you have so much to be grateful for, but you are getting blinded by negativity.
2. Sprinkle your life with Positive Affirmations
Before you jump into your new positive mindset, have some positive intentions ready. Statements of loving yourself, respecting yourself and approving of yourself that you can repeat as many times as necessary during the day.
Before getting up, in the shower, walking/driving to work, at your desk, on your way home. Every time you feel that stress or you start to feel down and before you go to sleep.
It is time to recognise the awesomeness in you. See the light of love that shines through you, radiating out love to everyone around you. Time to make up your own affirmations or steal some from the internet but if you use them from online first make sure they are statements that resonate with you.
Here are only some suggestions:
“I love and approve of myself and all is well in my world today”
“In my life, in this moment, all is perfect, whole and complete”
“I am where I am meant to me”
“Everything I need will come to me at the right time, in the right place and in the right order”
“The awesomeness in me sees the awesomeness in the world that surrounds me”
Commit them to memory ready to repeat as often as you can, eventually, you won’t need to do it consciously, they will just pop into your mind automatically when you find yourself in a situation that you need them.
Next time the boss gets under you skin, repeat them silently:
“The awesomeness in me sees the awesomeness in you” and smile an internal smile full of love and compassion knowing that what she is saying has nothing to do with you and everything to do with what is going on her life at the moment, and if she is a bully then she is the one that is not in a good place. People who bully are really unhappy people. Happily fulfilled people don’t hurt other people either physically or mentally.
So, now you can let it go, you have no need to spend the rest of day grumbling and complaining about reinforcing perceived hurts.
You know that deep down inside you are perfect, whole and filled with love for yourself and the universe and at the end of the day, that is all you need to know.
Carol Andrew Hypnotherapy & Coaching 